The Vacant Consumer

Vacant Consumer: Hello, I'm Natalie Heer and welcome to this week's edition of the Vacant Consumer. Tonight we have with us in our studios, Nullen Voyd, a representative of Hollow Promise Corporation to talk with us about their latest product, Nothing. How are you today Mr. Voyd?

Nullen Voyd: Fine, thank you, but I feel like I'm missing something.

VC: Is there a problem?

NV: No, its Nothing.

VC: Could you tell us something about Nothing?

NV: There really isn't much to say about nothing.

VC: Well, how would you describe Nothing?

NV: It's like Nothing you ever tasted. Nothing has fewer calories. Nothing has no nutritional value. But with its biodegradable package, in 50 years, you'll still have Nothing. Nothing lasts forever.

VC: I'd like to express some concerns that people have had about this product and get your perspective on the issue. It is said that there is nothing inside a package of Nothing.

NV: Yes, obviously there is Nothing in a package of Nothing. It says so right on the label. Here, let me show you. (He leans over the side of his chair to look underneath and behind it.) Now where did I put that sample?

VC: What I mean is that there isn't anything inside a package of Nothing.

NV: No, there is Nothing inside the package.

VC: I have yet to find anything in the package. I don't believe that there is really anything in there.

NV: Ma'am, Nothing could be further from the truth.

VC: Let's change the subject for a moment, if you don't mind. It is also said that Nothing is overpriced.

NV: I would have to disagree with you when you claim that nothing is overpriced. Many things are overpriced. But when you purchase a package of Nothing, you get Nothing for your money.

VC: What I would like to know is, how do you justify the price of Nothing?

NV: Well, now that you mention it, Nothing could be more difficult to make. I can't say that there is more to it than any of our previous products, Air Food for example, but it is no small feat to get Nothing into that little box. Nothing is priced competitively with other products of similar value. At least when you buy Nothing, you know exactly what you're getting. Here, let me show you a couple of samples from our recent ad campaign.

"I already lost 146 pounds eating Nothing!"

"These people eat Nothing every day!"

NV: Isn't it amazing how people can live on Nothing? Without them, we would be nothing. Our goal is for everyone to have Nothing.

VC: I can see that a lot of work has gone into making something out of Nothing. After the unexpected success of Air Food and the great promise of Nothing, does Hollow Promise have any other products under development that our vacant consumers might be interested in hearing about?

NV: I really can't discuss new products that are still in development at this time, but I can tell you that they'll be better than Nothing.

VC: I wish you and your company the best of luck. Is there anything else you would like to say before we wrap up?

NV: No, Nothing.

VC: Well, that's all the time we have today. It seems like there really is much ado about Nothing. Thank you for spending some truly enlightening time with us, Mr. Voyd. Join us next week when we cover the recent merger that resulted in the development of Carefree Sugarless Panty Shields. Thank you and good night.